We have Covid

 Fuck, yes.
This shit has been kept away from me for so long that I almost believed I am immune to it. I'm not.
On Monday, I started feeling very bad in a general way. All of a sudden, my sense of taste vanished. Despite it returning a few minutes later, it was already a warning sign and a hint of what it could be. After a terrible night, I went to the doctor on Tuesday morning. 

The times when  Doctors came to visitpatients in their houses is something I miss. I had a fever of 40 degrees and had to drive 15 kilometers to the doctor. My mother went with me because she was concerned that I might cause an accident in this condition.

The doctor confirmed that it may be Covid, but there is currently no treatment other than staying at home and taking paracetamol. And I should wear a mask even in the house to protect my mom. Hell, if its covid I already HAVE spread it around to her.

I asked if we could make a covid test, both my mom and me.

After leaving, I had to go to the drugstore and feed the donkey. When I was finally under my blankets again, I had fucking 41 degrees of fever.

In the past, patients wouldn't have been forced to take such trips while they were very sick. The Covid Test results came on Wednesday by Email and My mom's test was surprising: Both negative for Covid and Influenza. So I thought that mine would be good too, but  err: I am Covid Positive.

Either my mom has a false negative (that can happen) or the test was taken just a little bit too early after infection. Because she has it too. She showed the first sympoms yesterday and is now fully ill today.

I drown in guilt. I regret not getting us vaccinated during the opening of this season's vaccination campaign on October 2.  We both have been vaccinated three times, but this year I had so many appointments and things to do that I just couldn't manage it in time. Now we pay dearly for that. 

Useless for me to wine that I have no help whatsoever in what is nothing less than the management of 2 lives, keeping the house and looking for the pets and if enough time is left, to work on my projects. 

Because now it's even worse,  We are both ill as hell still with no help and I am knocked out.

Rediscovering the garden

I haven't been in my garden in quite some time. Too depressed, too tired. 

This morning I finally went there. I knew it: Weeds have grown, some damages caused by snails, and all over, there is a lot of work to be done.

Among the overgrown grasses and weeds, a wonderful crop was hidden and ready for discovery and taking home. So I spent my stay harvesting pumpkins and cleaning up some spots of the garden. It's really the most powerful anti-depression medicine at all.

At the "Memory Center"

In January of this year, my mom and I finally made the decision to visit our house doctor to discuss her increasing memory loss. The doctor then prescribed her a visit to some psychologists for elderly people and an IRM brain scan.

The psychologist suggested that the reason was probably because my mother had to suppress so many negative memories that the good ones were also lost.

After the Brain scan, I was given the scan images and a lengthy list of observations, most of which were difficult to comprehend.

I returned these results to the doctor, but she claimed that everything was normal at my mothers age. I insisted that she may at least have a look at the Scans and what was said there, but the doc refused.

So I was pretty much at the starting point again.  It was incredibly frustrating because it's not easy to get your mother out of the house for this terrifying exam. 

And for what?  I had expected the doctor to finally send her to a memory center where a genuine neurologist would perform a regular memory test.

My mom's symptoms worsened in the weeks that followed. So I undertook a new attempt  and wrote an email directly to the memory center of Epinal, explaining why I don't have a prescription but why I think we would need a visit anyway and badly. I claimed our right for the famous "second opinion" regarding that IRM Scan. Not that there really was a first one anyway.

They responded the next day and gave us an appointment for today, October 10.

I quickly became aware that this was incredibly quick, because there are people who wait for 6 months or more.

So today we were at that center. Obviously, it was a very emotional experience. While waiting in the anteroom, we saw two couples, each of whom was a not-so-young man and his elderly parent. 

A son handed the insurance card to his old mother, telling her to put it back in her purse which, visibly, was a difficult task for her, because she didn't quite remember where to put it. The task was accomplished, but she asked her son five minutes later if he knew where the card was and if he still had it. He tried to stay calm and explained her that she stored it in her purse, five minutes ago. As he turned his head and stared into the void, with the pain and sadness in his eyes, my heart was torn apart. Since I've experienced the same kind of situation so often, I could sense his endless desperation very well.

Then I got called by the neurologist's assistant who wanted to talk with me in a separate. It felt good to finally be able to tell my story, as she asked me to tell how it all began from my perspective.

I asked her to tell the team to be gentle with my mom and  - never ever - pronounce the  A-Word. Because my mom needs hope to stay alive. At any cost.

The Neurologist finally took us both in his cabinet. There He examined the IRM scan. He says that there is some damage done typically by high blood pressure. My mom is under treatment for that, but from now on we will have to survey her pressure a lot closer.  He said that the brain damages are clearly there, but not necessarily indicate the A-illness. (He called it Memory-disease, according to my wish ...)

He said, that he will make an extended memory test for a whole morning at the hospital. He wants also to examine my moms sleep in a sleeping-lab. He will order a lumbar function to analyze liquids and detect proteins that are typical for memory illness, if present.

Farther, I will get more help, and appointments with a psychologist.

So FINALLY we had a Neurologist looking at those scans and making intense exams. It really took a lot of effort to get there. 

I wish us helpers were not so alone on this dark path.