I and my mom went to the neurologist today to obtain the results of the multiple exams she had to go through. The verdict came like a sledgehammer:
'The lombal ponction fluid was not normal. The presence of anormal protein was detected. This and the results of the memory tests and all the other circumstances lead to the conclusion that she has Alzheimer's disease".
Now, this didn't come out of the blue. The aggravation of my mom's symptoms let little hope left for any positive diagnostic. Nevertheless, it knocked me down. While my mom sat there frozen, I melted down in tears. I cried and said that I was not able to face this.
The doc stayed calm and said that what needed to be done now is to get some help and support. Yeah, as if this was available.
I am fucking alone with this nightmare.
He also made a prescription for some Alzheimers medicine that does reduce a bit the symptoms. "but it's not funded by social security," he said. I know. It was recently taken out out of refunding eligibility because it is, citation : "a comfort medicine"
Holy fucking shit. The damn asshole who made that decision obviously has no clue what it is like to depend on even the tiniest relief.
I said to prescribe it anyway. We'd pay it.
My mom took it all with relative calm. She is shattered too, I know, it but it is hard to tell to which point she is really aware of the tragedy. I try my best not to show my grief too much. But it is incredibly hard, when all what you want to do is to cry and have someone to talk out all your grief.
