Berck

Today was my arrival day at Berck sur Mer. I am at the hospitals Hotel for tonight and tomorrow I will enter the clinic. My initial thought was that the surgery would happen tomorrow, but it will actually take place Wednesday morning.

What a strange yet fascinating world here. Sand in the streets that are in the shadow of huge dunes which face the sea. The clinic has the look of a 19th century hotel for treatment purposes. For sure a very interesting place.

In the past days, I was busier looking after my mom's needs than preparing myself for this trip and the upcoming surgery. The most important thing was to ensure that she has all the necessary information and can find it whenever she needs to. She was becoming increasingly anxious, but I hoped I could manage it all in a way that nothing would trigger any stress for her.

On the road to Berck I sent her Whatsupp messages every hour. First I thought that all is okay, that she can stand the stress this way, but well - no.
 At some point she started to ask where I am, half an hour after my last message and then asked "when I return home". Needless to say that that  really knocked down. 

If it starts right away when I am not even arrived at  the clinic, how will things evolve when I am really under surgery? I am afraid that she will not be able to withstand the stress. But What can I do?  I know that it was probably wrong to let her alone at all. There is an aide coming for two hours oin tuesday, but surgery is on Wednesday and this day she will be alone all day long.
I feel awful guilty

One more step closer

The day of surgery approaches! 

I had a call with the anesthesiologist today. According to him, the entire intervention could take 2 hours. "But it's a much less risky surgery than your thyroid removal."

In fact, the clinic isn't in Amiens as I thought before, it's even farther away, in Berck sur Mer. An old 19 century building directly located at the seaside. I'm pleased that the location for my life-changing experience has some style.

Back at home I will try to make good use of the necessary time of rest and recover. I have to think about many things and try to shape the future within the narrow limits available. There are a lot of things that no longer work for me. I cannot get rid of all of it, but I may at least close some ways and open new ones.

At the moment, I am facing a period where I am being criticized by everyone. Although criticism is usually justified, it's becoming more difficult to endure. I wish someone would say something kind to me for a change. I came to realize during my Covid infection that I am truly on my own, without any support, and I accept that. But I still have to get some practice.

Willow Trees

The new Georgie Postcard is ready to be printed! It is named "Georgie and the little ship". But it could as well be titled "Georgie and the Willow Tree". 

I have been feeling a deeper connection with Willow trees for a while now. I really don't know why. I love their tense presence, their connection with water, and how their foliage and branches mingle under the soft summer wind.

On one of my last trips with the Donkey I camped on a site called "the willow grove" It was unforgettable and  in my mind, I often travel back to the very special place.

I may explore the secret world of willows more deeply this year.

The new Postcard

The Light in the Willow Trees at "La Sauleraie"