Berck

Today was my arrival day at Berck sur Mer. I am at the hospitals Hotel for tonight and tomorrow I will enter the clinic. My initial thought was that the surgery would happen tomorrow, but it will actually take place Wednesday morning.

What a strange yet fascinating world here. Sand in the streets that are in the shadow of huge dunes which face the sea. The clinic has the look of a 19th century hotel for treatment purposes. For sure a very interesting place.

In the past days, I was busier looking after my mom's needs than preparing myself for this trip and the upcoming surgery. The most important thing was to ensure that she has all the necessary information and can find it whenever she needs to. She was becoming increasingly anxious, but I hoped I could manage it all in a way that nothing would trigger any stress for her.

On the road to Berck I sent her Whatsupp messages every hour. First I thought that all is okay, that she can stand the stress this way, but well - no.
 At some point she started to ask where I am, half an hour after my last message and then asked "when I return home". Needless to say that that  really knocked down. 

If it starts right away when I am not even arrived at  the clinic, how will things evolve when I am really under surgery? I am afraid that she will not be able to withstand the stress. But What can I do?  I know that it was probably wrong to let her alone at all. There is an aide coming for two hours oin tuesday, but surgery is on Wednesday and this day she will be alone all day long.
I feel awful guilty